Monday, December 06, 2004
letting it go
I didn't blog this weekend because I was frantically trying to finish that *last* draft of my masters thesis. It was painful- difficult and right up until early this morning I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I don't know about the end, I don't know about the changes I made, I don't know whether or not the lit review is critical enough... blah blah blah... Anyway, I printed it out this morning and gave it to my committee. It was hard to let go of it- but if does feel damn good. Now I just have to worry and loose sleep over the defense. I know, I know, I know I probably wouldn't have come this far only to find out I won't pass or that they don't want me going on to a PhD, but it is still a nerve-wracking rite of passage.
So, my spirits are slightly dampened by all the work I know have to do on other things (my job, stats exam, seminar paper etc...) and my spirits are dampened from a conversation with some fellow female grad students about how some male grad students can do anything ("here's some crap on a piece of paper...") and praise, funding, awards etc... just stick right to them like fly paper. And then said males play the game for everything it is worth. This gendered aspect of grad school is always there, but sometimes I am confronted with it and it sickens me. I wonder why I don't play the game and then realize, I can't. This reminds of a wonderful poem I read on another blog:
Mark! Weber! Talcott! Parsons!
Still all dead white guys."
posted by knit wit | 12/06/2004 02:50:00 PM