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knit me more time...
Monday, July 04, 2005
satisfaction

The problem with me (Actually, I volley back and forth on whether or not this is a problem or a good driving force, but that is beside the point and right now this seems mostly problematic.) is that no matter how much I do, I always think I could have done more. Even though I spent 3 and a half days this weekend doing nothing but studying, I wonder if I could have done it better/more/differently. Even though I got up in the middle of the night last night because I came up with the idea of making a "where standpoint theorists stand on standpoint theory" spreadsheet, I still am left with some nagging feeling that I could have and ought to be doing so much more. Even though my wrists are sore, and my eyes are bloodshot, I still think it isn't somehow enough. I used to talk to my old therapist about this a lot. She would try to convince me that I ought to feel good and be satisfied with the work I do. I would try to convince her that it was good that I was never satisfied, because then I would keep working. I can see her now totally cracking up as I try to argue for dissatisfaction (she did used to laugh at me/with me- I appreciated that about her). Of course, I realize constant dissatisfaction has side effects. And of course I know it isn't a terrible idea to let myself feel good about things every once in a while (and I do). It just isn't my usual response. I'll have to work on that. Meanwhile, I am actually looking forward to going in to work tomorrow! I've been cooped up in the house mulling over the answers to questions that may/may not be on the prelim. I need some mundane work!! It will be lovely.

posted by knit wit | 7/04/2005 09:05:00 PM

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